Still not better.......

Basically, today was a repeat of yesterday except to be told by two surgeons that the surgery was not possible and mom is not a candidate for alternative therapies because she has a poor prognosis... (we will have a poor prognosis without something...)  Her doctor will speak with the radiologists tomorrow to see if they would consider inserting a feeding tube but is highly doubtful due to the proximity of the area needed for insertion and her pancreas...there is also the thought of possibly going to angiography to try to stop the bleeding.  again....doubtful..but possibly.  Evidently, tomorrow there will be a big pow-wow of all of her care team to determine the next step...her doctor has said that if one team says no, then we go to the next and the next....I'm saying we are running out of time.  Mom has decided that if we don't get anything in the form of progressive news tomorrow or Tuesday...we go home.  Her doctor is aware of this.  Her hemoglobin is still dropping so she's still bleeding and they will not do anymore chemo if we can't get nutrition in her.  It has been asked if she is hungry or starving (especially for those who know my mom)...and weirdly, no, she doesn't seem to want any food.  Every now and then she will drink grape juice or eat an orange popsicle but that's it.  You would think she would be starving to death...I think it is the combination of the cancer, her pain medication and the progression of the disease. 

Google gastric cancer and see what you can find.  Bobby and I have researched every thing that we can get our hands on in hopes of finding something...anything....and the answers are all the same.  If the patient has mets to their liver and lymph nodes or anywhere outside of the stomach, typical survival is 2 months.  Mom has had this for awhile and was battling the end stages probably before we even knew she had cancer.  I try to look on the bright side (if there is one) and that at least we have time...at least we have been able to spend time together...all of us as a family..it has been over 20 years since we have gotten to do that.  And even though it has been wretched, it has been nice to be with my family.  Granted, I would rather everyone be healthy but we wouldn't have done this if we were healthy!  I cry endlessly some days.  I can't think about the kids and how they will miss her.  How Slaton won't get to grow up with his Nanna...He loves her so very, very much!  I have promised her that I won't let him forget her and we won't...but it won't be the same...not at all.  She was and has been such a constant in his life.........