It's Okay

In the midst of all of this, there is an underlying peace though.  I know that I am where God wants me to be.  I feel like the chorus of the song...."Sometimes He calms the storm...and sometimes He calms the child while the waves and the wind go wild"

Seriously, the waves are crashing all around and the wind is blowing so hard it is difficult at times to walk and even stand....but within my soul, within my mind, there is peace.  It doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt..it hurts horribly.  It doesn't mean that I'm not frustrated and broken with empathy by what I seen surrounding not only our situation but those of all of the patients that we have met...the human side of me is saturated with grief for ourselves and every person that I come in contact with...for the young mother who has yet to hold and love on her 3 week old son because she was diagnosed shortly after delivery with a tumor (Her mother holds her baby in the waiting rooms while she goes through the same process we are)...for the various children I see that are in a different stages of cancer...for the couples that I see that their love for each other is palpable to everyone around, yet one of them is in the fight for their lives and you can see it in the eyes of the other that they would take their place in a second.  No, all of this is there.  These are the waves crashing and the wind blowing.....

But within, I am calm.  Within, I know that God will orchestrate good out of this bad.  I don't know how...and that's okay...I don't know what the end result will be (and while that's hard), I do trust Him and know that He knows.  So I do my part...I pray, I push, I ask questions, I educate ourselves, I don't give up until she says we are done...and then I push alittle more to make sure it is her talking and not the disease.  So, when you read my posts, I will be real.  This is what we are feeling, this is what it is.  But know, that what keeps me sane, is my Christ. 

What can you do?  Pray, pray hard....but also take a look at your lives.  What do you eat?  What do you put in your body?  I said that I would change throughout this....my eating habits will never be the same again.  NEVER.  For the last several years, I have had friends that are very active in real food and I have dabbled.  No more dabbling.  I know that I have a genetic predisposition to have cancer so this means that I have to create in me a body that is healthy enough to constantly stay on top of any abnormal cells.

Love you all.  Thanks for listening.  Her appointment is at 2:30. I'll post tonight the outcome.  We do know that she will do treatments here.  We will not be bringing her home for treatment.  This has been decided by mom and supported fully by us.